Yes, that’s right. I’ve decided to make September the start of my new year. Bollocks to January! It’s grey and cold. No-one has any money and nearly everyone I know gives up drinking too, which always makes me feel vaguely guilty for not doing so. But come on, didn’t you hear me? It’s grey and cold, and surely everyone can see that’s the worse time to give up – unless you’re really dependent, then anytime is obviously good. But in September, it’s still sunny and mildly warm, even baking hot on some days, and while no one has any money after all those summer days out and camping trips and pizzas which still cost a fortune even with the 30% off voucher, having no money anytime at all is the new reality for most of us, regardless of the month. So, far better to mark time passing, to celebrate the communal endings and societal beginnings, when the brats return to school and we all get to go back to what ever it is we spend our lives doing when they’re not around. Even if that something is simply sitting and enjoying a moment of peace for five minutes without someone yelling, “Mum, wipe my bum!” Or else banging on and on and on about a new game that the whole world is playing on their phones which seems, frankly really boring, except for the fact that since everyone is wandering around holding their phones up to their faces, anyone taking surreptitious street photographs with one can kind of get away with looking like they too are simply playing a game and not being a weird creepy pest, as my eldest son likes to call me.
Hang on, is that peace and quiet I hear? It’s been such a long time since I last experienced anything along those lines, I’m not sure if I should trust my ears along with the slow sense of returning to something approximating a relative type of equilibrium. Oh, yes… I think it is. Allowing it to creep in and take hold of me feels …’oozy’, a bit like the sensation of cool mud squelching between my toes. I like it! And it gives me a chance to come up with a new year’s list of things to consider going forward. Because they do say writing things down is good for something or other, not sure what, but here it is
- Create something brilliant and award winning
- Have realistic and achievable goals
- With reference to point 2 adjust point 1 and internalise point 2
- Keep telling youngest son he mustn’t randomly grab a women’s boobs
- Or anyone else’s for that matter
- Nor lift my skirt up in the high street to show everyone passing my knickers
- Or even my T-shirt in the supermarket to show everyone my post-3-children stomach
- Nor should said small child carry on thinking its acceptable to swear really loudly in public
- Or quietly
- Or at all
- Sit and do homework with middle child even though he’s a whiny pain in the arse about it
- Try to remember point 11 for the whole of the academic year not just week 1 of term 1
- Force oldest child tidy to his room occasionally even though he’s going to be taller than me very soon and already has much bigger feet than me – especially so perhaps since I won’t be able to for much longer
- Be nice to kids generally
- Be stricter with kids generally
- Try hard to reconcile points 12 and 13
- Make some money
- See point 2
And with that I must get on and order things and answer emails and work. Oh yes, now I remember. That’s what I do when those small people are at school. I work!
Have a great week!
Image (c)SJField 2016
